You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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