Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
