please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
