Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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