I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
