Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
