It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
