I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
