I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
