He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
