there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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