the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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