I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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