i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am spending my child support on dildos
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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