So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
