Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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