Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
