my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
