I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
