I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
