I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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