your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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