I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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