my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
