I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
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Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
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He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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