Can Purell be used as lube?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
