Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
