Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
