are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
