Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
