I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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