I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
