Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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