I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
