I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
