I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
