2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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