I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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