My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
did you just send me my own nude
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
