sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
