Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
