It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
