I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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