I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
