the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
