forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
