So gin and wine won't be happening again
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
