Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
