i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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