so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
