If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
