I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
