im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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