There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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