when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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