You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
