Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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