I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis