i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
