your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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