his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
