I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm getting married
To pizza
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
