its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
