last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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