1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sponge bath it is.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
