DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Everyone says I win the strip club
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
