worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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