just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
