new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
