You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Alive.
So much puke
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
